Remember when I told you about how difficult it was going to be to “blog about anything” for 30 days? If you don’t remember, I wrote about it on day 1 of the blogging challenge. Well, today is one of those days where I really don’t know what to talk about.
It’s only day 6 and I wouldn’t say I’ve hit a stump but blogging every day is tiring and I still wonder if anybody even cares. According to you guys, however, you really do care. Especially about my hair. Now that I know you’re interested, I wonder what else you care about. I’ve been struggling to think about something you would enjoy. Even though I have so many ideas I don’t feel they’re ready to be brought into the world just yet so finding a topic for today was troubling. I want to write about topics that would interest you, yet, I want to be true to myself and write about what comes naturally to me. This was a real dilemma until I remembered what I set out to accomplish in the year of 2017.
I only had 3 “resolutions” (I put “resolutions” in inverted commas because I hate the word when in context with the new year) for this year and they were 1. Get focused and work hard on the blog. 2. Learn to make phone calls like a gawddamn adult and 3. Be more honest. We’re not going to talk about the hard work on the blog or the part of being an adult where you overcome your social anxiety and make important phone calls. Today, we’re going to talk about honesty.
For the year of 2017, I promised myself I would become more honest. Like Drake, I would keep it 8 more than 92 with life. It’s not as if I lied a lot in the past or anything. I’m not a compulsive or pathological liar but I kind of feel like for the longest time I was putting up a front. A facade. They call it a simulacrum. It’s an “image or representation of someone or something.” In other words, it’s a representation of what something or someone is but not the actual thing or person. It’s an idea, not reality. (“Well, how do you know ideas aren’t reality, Zoa?” That’s not the point, fam. Damn.) I feel like that’s something we as humans do a lot, especially on social media. We put up a certain image of this certain lifestyle with this certain aesthetic. We put up an image of a life that isn’t our real life. I am guilty of doing that. My life isn’t always as good as those pictures on Instagram would have you believe. Some of the contexts of the pictures are honestly quite absurd but you would never know with the way I had them captioned. Instagram is one of many simulacra in my life and I feel like it is for a lot of people but this year I thought of changing that.
We’re taught at a young age to be honest. The Bible tells us lying is a sin and our parents reinforce that. Karma, whether you believe in it or not, reminds us that what goes around comes around, that you reap what you sow. The Bible teaches us that too. With that, I figured I would want to sow honesty into my life. Like I said, I wasn’t a major liar in the past. I mean, I did tell lies, for sure, but who doesn’t? I was, however, putting up a front; a simulacrum. One not only of myself but of my life too. I came to the conclusion that no good was going to come from disingenuousness. That’s a real word, folks. Crazy! I decided I was going to be more candid about my life because I’m not about to reap an unhappy fake life because that is what I sowed. The way I now see it is that being honest is part of living your best life. I still only choose the best and the prettiest pictures that will fit with the overall aesthetic of my Instagram feed because I enjoy a certain visual aesthetic but my captions are a lot more honest than what they used to be. It may not seem like much to someone looking from the outside but it brings me satisfaction.
And with regards to today’s blog post, well I’ve decided to stay truthful and tell you that as much as I would love to write about something that you would truly enjoy, I can’t read your mind and I don’t know what you want but I know that I want to stay genuine so I will always write from my heart.
Here I am. This is what is going on. My life is incredibly hectic at the moment. I have work that takes up most of my day and once I get off work I sit down and write. I hardly have the time to eat or shower. I hardly have time to see my friends. I sleep but wake up exhausted. Trying to balance work, the blog, my personal life, my family life, and basic human needs is difficult. I’m struggling, but I go to bed each day satisfied with the fact that I had a good day at work and I have a blog ready to be posted the next day. Sometimes I don’t have cool and interesting things to write about because my life isn’t always cool and interesting. A lot of the time I have writer’s block and I don’t know what to talk about. Today was one of those days but today I remembered to stay honest. Once I mindfully decided to be genuine and tell you how I feel at this moment, the words poured out like a constant stream of fresh, living water because that’s what honesty does, it flows. It flows because it’s the most natural thing to do and honestly, it feels good.