Today’s blog comes so late at night because today, I took an “L”. I failed. The failure is that I still have a red “L” stuck to the back window of my car. However, when a failure presents itself in your life you have one of two choices. Either you give up and let that failure defeat you or you defeat it by learning from your past mistakes.
So, what lesson have I learnt today after failing my driver’s license test? To be honest, the wound is still pretty fresh, therefore, I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything and I cannot answer that question as truthfully and as thoroughly as I would like. Nevertheless, if at any point I ever wondered if I failed in life, after today I can safely say that I, Zoa Wustrow have failed. Is this my first failure in life? Technically, no. This isn’t even the first time I fail my driver’s license test. But is this the first failure that matters? Yes, because this one actually touched me. I’m actually genuinely hurt by the events of today and I cannot think of any time in the past that I was as hurt as I was today for a failure because, to be honest, I don’t fail often.
Despite the “L”, I’m not a failure though. For instance, I haven’t failed to post a blog today, as late as it is, it’s here, so you know, I don’t fail at everything. Seriously though, the real reason why I’m not a failure is because I decide to rise up. From every single “L” I receive, I rise up. I accept it, I learn from my mistakes, I grow, and I move on. I have made the conscious decision to not let this failure, as big or small as you may think, break me down. I have made the active decision to take this failure as an opportunity to grow.
Again, what have I learnt from today’s failure? I’ve learnt many small and deep things I am yet to fully articulate because I don’t fully understand them but I’ll mention a few. I’ve discovered that I may be afraid of freedom, afraid of the unknown. I couldn’t picture myself with a license and I feel that’s part of the reason why I failed. I also felt like I cared too much about losing. I had way too much to lose today because I was so invested in not going back to Cape Town without a license. It hurt me to fail because all of a sudden the prospect of having to go back to South Africa an unlicensed driver became real and it’s a reality I never wanted.
These are just a few of the many lessons I learnt today and that I will try to understand throughout the course of the next few days as I assess the reasons for this failure. Because here’s the thing, failures show up in our lives to reveal an aspect of ourselves that we need to work on. Why am I afraid of freedom? Why am I afraid of something I so desperately crave? Is it because I don’t trust myself to responsibly handle it once I have it? Perhaps. I have to delve deep within myself to find the answer and resolve this issue. Why do I care so much about going back to Cape Town with a license? I should learn to let go of that desire. It shouldn’t matter whether or not I go back with the ability to legally drive. I should be at peace with either reality. I should be okay with anyway things may turn out. I wasn’t, and so I lost everything. I need to let go. I see this now and I am grateful for the lesson.
So, yes, I may have failed today, but I am no failure. I intend on taking my “L”s and turning them into “W”s. I intend to rise up. Through this failure, I am able to identify the weaknesses within myself and work on them because through this failure, I am able to grow. And to me, that seems like a pretty big win.